A Little Diary

IT Fair 12-15 March 2009

2009-03-29T20:07:00.005+08:00

IT Fair ... The fair where all goes for cheaper electronics and IT products ... The one most look forward to every 3 months for the best deal ...

It's also one fair that can draw the largest number of people to ... Unfortunately, due to unforseen circumstances, I had to go there everyday to check out on something ... Got myself a laptop by instalment plan ... Got Jeff a laptop haversack, laptop sleeve, external harddisk, laptop fan, etc ...

I am never gonna go to such fair, ever again if I can avoid ... I almost fainted in the middle of the traffic while trying to squeeze my way from booth to booth ... Traffic was so bad that it's skin to skin while trying to make my way around in the hall ...

I was especially disgusted seeing the amount of litter left by Singaporeans at the end of the day ... The were designated bins for recycling purposes ... Instead, leaflets, brochures conveniently left their grip and dropped to the floor as each visitor move around the halls ...

Should that be the behaviour of a community who have been taught in school and by many govt-run campaigns for not littering? ... No wonder we are labelled "Ugly Singaporeans" when travelling overseas ... Many took that opportunity to do things which are not allowed back home and disgusted the locals ...

I hope they will be more considerate at the next fair, holding on to the flyers till they spotted a recycle bin which were conveniently located at the entrances/exits ... There's no excuse for not being able to find a bin ...

Mum's Depression

2009-03-29T19:36:00.002+08:00

Things thrown ... Slaps given ... Nasty words hurled ... Once sat on the kitchen window, with one leg on the outside ... Ready to leave all behind ... Right in front of my eyes ... Today ...

Once a strong, stubborn woman ... Now a depressed woman who can't control her thoughts, feelings and behaviour anymore ... Yes ... That's her, my mum ... Though she's still as stubborn as before ...

It was never easy to be a caregiver for someone suffering from long-term illness ... Especially an illness like Alzheimer's Disease which takes away one's memory bit by bit, very slowly ...

Everyday having to worry about his safety when out of sight, monitor his diet, prepare his medication, get scolded for helping him, bathe him, etc ... That's what she has been doing to dad for the last 3 years ...

Very often, frustration was taken out on dad by words or hitting when he doesn't co-operate with her ... Have mentioned to her that whenever she feels that she can't control her emotions anymore, just walk away ... Take a deep breath, then come back to the problem ... NO TIME is the answer ... Always claimed to be tied up with "housework" whereby what's left for her to do are basic cleaning of the house, washing of hers and dad's clothing and cooking (optional) ...

Tried so hard explaining to her the importance of taking care of her health too ... Deaf ear turned ... Tried talking to her nicely ... Not a word register in her mind ... Whatever others say is never right ... If scream at her, will threaten to commit suicide ... Wanna get a maid for her ... Rejected ... Says maid won't do job to her standards ... Will have conflict ...

Mum ... Please tell us what we should do so that you can feel happy again ... We cannot perform miracle on dad's condition for sure ... Want more money? ... I'm jobless now ... I still try my best to give you all I have ... We have all tried to adjust our schedule around you ... We have not left much housework for you anymore ... We would love to chat with you if only you dun become so defensive at every single conversation ...

Mum ... We will always be there for you ... You are never alone ... We all took on different responsibilities to ensure the family still function as normal ... Let's all work hand in hand to achieve true happiness, challenging all obstacles and emerge as winners ... Mum, we all love you ...

Daddy Is Still Aware ...

2009-03-03T18:15:00.002+08:00

Last night Jacqueline and Merc dropped by to pass me back my shawl which was left in Luke's car the night of Jacqueline's birthday celebration ... They hoped we can catch up for kopi before Jacq returns to DXB this morning ... It was 12.10am ...

Tot I could sneak out for a short while ... Sigh ... Caught red-handed ... And surprisingly, it was dad who caught me! ... He heard me opening the door and asked why was I going out so late ... Wow! ... I'm impressed ... He knew how late it was ... But ... But ... But ... That would mean I can't go for kopi liao ... Sianz ...

Didn't wana upset anyone further after declaring cold war with mum for maintaining curfew on me since Jacq's birthday on 27 Feb ... Sign ... Good daughter or not? ... I really dunno ah ... Juz felt that since this time it was dad who has voiced out his concerns clearly, tot it's nice to show him some respect ...

How long can I tahan this? ... Sigh ...

It's never enough ...

2009-02-28T03:55:00.005+08:00

Why did I come back? ... I'm starting to doubt my decision ...

I juz go back home ... Yes, it's 3.45am when I got home ... Mum heard me opening the door ... Before I can even close the door securely, she questioned what time it was ... Replied her the actual time and immediately she asked why I come back so late ...

Tried explaining to her that it was a very good friend's birthday who had helped in time of crisis ... Can't juz leave early isn't it ... She replied no matter what the reason is have to get back home by 12 midnight ... Even for a 34-yr old gal? ...

I' ve tried to stay at home as much as I can to minimize expenses ... I've been away on BKK from 16-24 Feb, thereafter I went to the hospital on 25 Feb ... Din dare to go out on 26 Feb ... Then it was Jacqueline's birthday today (27 Feb) ...

What more does she want? ... Stay at home 24-7? ... Juz can't believe it ... It's worse than a teenager's curfew ...

Ray of Light

2008-12-07T04:50:00.002+08:00

Is Feng Shui really that powerful? Misfortunes have not stopped knocking on my door since after CNY 2008 juz cos my current bedroom's inflicted by Five-Yellow (五黄). How bad can it get?

Wrist injury in March (till now still not fully recovered), cancelled Spain trip in April due to the injury, head injury in August, Dad's deteriorating condition, almost kanna bashed when on LV in SIN in Oct, economic crisis which discounted my unit trusts value by more than 50%, 2nd planned Spain trip in Oct cancelled, Jeff' dad's passing, his mum's deteriorating health condition, many other hiccups, etc...

Never-ending ah ... 1 mth and 20 days to go till 2009's CNY ... Can I tahan till then? ...

I will continue to fight on ... The power of the Mystic Law has given me strength to brave all obstacles ... I have had soft moments when water therapy was better than retail therapy ... At least it only hurt the eyes and not the pockets ... After letting all emotions out, I regained hope that a ray of light will shine when I open my eyes ... No matter what the outcome may be, it tells me where my next mission is ...

Mum, thank you for your encouragement and prayers ... I am very sorry that things had not turned out well recently ... I am very sorry that I may not be able to let you live a comfortable life for a while ... Sis and Bro, my apologies that I have caused so much inconvenience to you recently ... Thank you very much for your support during my darkest moments ...

To my battlefront kakis, we wouldn't have come this far without your cheers and support ... Our most sincere gratitude to your patience, understanding and most importantly, your guiding light when we were lost ...

Can't wait for the new year to come and leave all unhappiness behind ...

Is It Still Justifiable To Stay?

2008-11-28T02:09:00.004+08:00

Once a land full of opportunities, now many can't wait to get out. Why?

24-hr Salik ... 1-year rent paid upfront ... Rentals increase by 7% per year ... ID cards Dhs100 per year of visa validity ... Bureacratic regulations for everything from registering businesses to registering for childbirth in hospital ... Still unable to find a place without a hotel as landmark after 5 years here ... Getting charged for doing pushups in a park after jogging ...

While the weakened dollar is trying very hard to recover, cost of living here is getting higher ... I have been working here for 5.5 years and getting salary increment each year ... But the amount of money I bring home is still the same as my first pay check, even though my overall salary has increased by almost Dhs2k but due to the weakened dollar ... See how much I have lost? ... The exchange rate was S$1=Dhs2.12 in April 2004 vs S$1 = Dhs2.7 in Oct 2008 ... It is as good as not getting any pay rise for 5.5 years ...

When I first saw this place, I was amazed by how cosmopolitan it was ... Highrise buildings, good road conditions, multiculture communities, clean and modern airport, etc ...

Frankly, I did not do much homework before packing my bags and leaving for the airport bound for this part of the globe ... All I know was, I need this job and will brave whatever this place has in place for me ... Well, back then, I was glad I have made the right choice ...

I used to encourage anyone who inquire about working here to get out of their comfort zone and come explore the world ... Now, I hesitate to answer any inquiries ... My reply is always "this place is like Beverly Hills of Mid-E" ...

If your employer do not provide you with accommodation, transport allowance, medical insurance, etc ... Think twice about leaving your nest ... 1) It's hard to find a place within your budget in the area your want ... 2) It's better to drive than trying to flag for cabs esp. in places like Deira and Bur Dubai ... Chances are good provided you can spare 1 hour putting your arm out whenever an empty cab approaches ... 3) Wonder where the certs from the docs here come from? ... MBK printers? ... It always take me 1 mth to recover from a simple cough where back home, I'll get better in just 1 week ...

Of cos with the current economic turmoil, if you still have a job, hold on to it ... Companies are making all kinda excuses to downsize before they can justofy the act ... One friend has already been a victim after being loyal to her company for 4 years, declining headhunters and competitors' offers previously ...

Wishing all out there all the best and hold on to your belts tightly ... We never know when our heads at the edge of the axe ... But I always believe: When something's taken from you, something better is waiting for you out there ... Go reach for it and never turn back ...

Working for Who?

2008-11-26T04:04:00.002+08:00

A friend told me she could not understand why I worked so hard for a company that do not appreciate my efforts ... My reply was I do not see myself as working solely for the company but also for my customers and myself ... The smiles on my customers gives me great satisfaction ... It means they have appreciated what little service I can do for them in a short period of time ... That I am able to make their journey a pleasant one ... A recognition to my performance too ...

Which one is better: dragging yourself to work or looking forward to going to work? ... The former is purely working for the sake of keeping the job but lack of fulfilment ... Eventually, you will come to resent what you do everyday ... The latter raises your life condition and gives you strong life force even before you start your working day ... No matter what amount of work given to you, you'll take it on with stride ... Just like how I handle a grumpy passenger with the biggest smile I can offer till he could not find anymore fault with me ...

Would you like to work for the sake of going to work cos it helps to settle your bills? ... Or would you like to make the best outta your work, looking forward to a fulfilling day no matter how tough it may be and also seeing your bank account grow? ...

Thank You My Dear Friends

2008-11-26T03:42:00.002+08:00

During my most helpless moments while in a foreign land, I was blessed with the company of many friends around me ... Without these shoten zenjin (life's protective forces), I could not see myself still able to encourage others despite my current situation ... Even people I have yet to know have sent prayers for me ...

Your prayers have brought me out of darkness and gave me strength to face all obstacles ... Your presence have told me that I am not fighting the battle alone ...

My deepest gratitude and heartfelt thanks to all of you out there ...

True Friends

2008-11-26T02:53:00.002+08:00

Everyone is surrounded by many friends ... But how close is your relationship with them? ... Are they your true friends or just acquaintances? ...

True friends are the ones who know they can rely on you just like you know you can always give them a call, not only for a cuppa coffee ... They never hesitate to lend you a helping hand but their never want any repayment from you ... All they wish is to see that you are safe and sound and happy ...

Your secrets are always safe with them ... They never forget your birthday ... Cook for you when you are sick ... Check on you if you have the right medication for your illness ...

Even if they do not call you everyday, they never fail to wonder how you are doing each day ... They respect your need for privacy and know that you will connect with them again once you are outta your cave ...

They are your sunshine during your rainy days ... They bring rain clouds to douse your flame of anger ...

Daily Quote: 25 Nov 2008

2008-11-26T02:49:00.002+08:00

Failure is an instrumental part of every success. Whether our life has been a triumph or tragedy can only be judged at its very end.

Copyright @ Soka Gakkai International. All Rights Reserved.

Lesson Learnt from Edison Chen's Scandal

2008-03-15T00:46:00.006+08:00

Mama once told me:"No matter what you do in your younger days, be sure you do it with a clear conscience. 'Cos you may not know one day you may become a very famous person and the last thing that should happen to you is becoming a victim of the paparazzi." Very well-said, Mum. I have always kept these golden words in mind, no matter how much conflict there is between Mum and me.

Edison Chen's scandal has taught all of us a valuable lesson. They are faces of the public. Being in the entertainment industry, their private lives are always followed closely by the paparazzi. Whatever they say or do, they may be subjected to heavy criticism if it appeared to be on the negative side. The last thing they need is for their own scandals to be shared with the public.

This scandal had badly damaged many gals' reputation and some others' marriages. Though it may be fun to experience a wild time during younger days but no matter what, we should all still be responsible for our actions and others who may be directly involved with us.

Always bear in mind to watch out for your own actions before agreeing to doing something extraordinary. If leaked, it may be your biggest regret for the rest of your life. Also, think about the reactions of your children when they found out the truth as they get older. How are you gonna explain to them what had happened?

Salute to Mummy ...

2008-02-01T22:41:00.000+08:00

Everytime I listened to mum's grumbles (sometimes with tears), I felt even more helpless towards my family's situation ... Dad's diagnosis with Alzheimer's Disease has changed certain things in life ...

Since then, Mum's cooking has changed to accommodate dad's health condition ... Bland dishes, less salt & sugar, herbal soups, fresh juices, raw veg, etc ... There's at least 10 different pills & vitamins on the dining table ... She's always listening to the radio, trying to remember the new recipes for certain health conditions ... Even when she has to go for religious activities or marketing, she'll never forget to give dad a call to make sure he takes his medication on time ...

Many a times, he walked into the house with his pants wet as he couldn't control his bladder ... Poor mum thus has extra stuff to clean up in the midst of her daily chores ... Dad's like the Ratatouille mouse in the house ... His sense of taste is still very good ... However, he would empty the fridge or cabinet if his favourite food is within sight in record time ... Mum and I even joked about getting a fridge lock from Ikea to prevent him from accessing to his favourite fruit which would aggravate his habitual cough, orange ... Hee hee ...

Dad's favourite past-time is peeling any dry skin off his newly healed scratches/scars ... As he has diabetes, mum has always try to warn him of the risks of getting infection from an open would ... Instead of being grateful, mum got scolded for telling him off ...

Whenever mum tries to ask him not to do certain things or correct his actions, she'll get a dressing down from dad ... That sudden burst of anger, I believe, was accummulated from years of nagging ... I remember hearing Dad saying this "我为甚么一定要听她的, 我以前甚么都顺她, 现在不要了" ... Sometimes I really wonder if dad's really suffering from Alzheimer's Disease or he is just pretending to lose his ability to remember things so that he can stop answering to anyone's requests and just laze around ...

Don't know why but since Dad's diagnosis, Mum has seemed to treat me like her new best friend (of course the nagging still stays) ... In my presence, she'll 一哭, 二闹, 三上吊 ... But my sis said that Mum never behaved that way towards her ... Whenever I'm back on leave, I'd wanna go back to DXB on the 2nd night ... It's not the about the hardship of taking care of dad (it's no hard work at all, just watch where he goes and what he eats can already) ... It's about Mum's irrational behaviour ... It's very draining emotionally ...

Understanding what Mum's going through at home, I try to lend her a listening ear whenever I'm back, relieve her from looking after dad so that she can go relax herself while I stay with dad ... It's not an easy job to care for someone with such condition ... It's very draining emotionally ... That's even worse than plain physical efforts ...

It doesn't feel good being scolded for having one's good interests at heart ... But as I have always tried to explain to Mum that Dad's outbursts towards her were accummulation of years of unhappiness and nagging ... The more she tries to get him to do anything, the more resistance she'll face ... Instead of getting angry at that very instant of outburst, try pretending not to hear anything (like what dad's most "kiang" in doing these days) or walk away to cool off a little ... The worst thing that she loves to do is to complain to me about Dad in his presence!!! ... He may be senile but he definitely remembers every single word she said to me ... Then, since his pride and ego has been hurt big time, it'll be harder to get him to respond to future requests ...

Have tried so many times to explain to Mum that sometimes her words and behaviour will affect Dad's reaction towards her ... But it just can't get though to her ... It's never to easy to change overnight or understand something so "chim" ... Like the chinese saying "学坏只须三天, 学好须要三年" ... Letting negative feelings out is much easier than understanding the root of the problem ... Sigh ...

But on the bright side, our family have become closer ... It even got my aunt's family closer to us as well ... They organised occasional Genting trips, makan trips, MJ sessions, etc ... Sis and I managed to come up with a medical financing plan for parents ... Really hope Dad's condition won't change for the worse so soon as it'll be an even heavier burden on Mum's shoulders ...

Feel so helpless ... Really hope there's more I can help with other than making more trips back home ... Please tell me what else can I do to ease everyone's load ...

I'm just glad that Dad hasn't lose his sense of humour ... Hee hee ...

Alzheimer's Disease

2008-02-01T20:17:00.000+08:00

Mum's getting chubbier each time I see her ... Many may think life's been good for her ... Well, I wished that's the case too ... However, according to her, it's the "气" that she suffered from constantly watching over dad (who is currently suffering from Alzheimer's Disease) that made her bloat ... Sigh ...

Alzheimer's disease is a progressive, degenerative disease of the brain in which brain cells die and are not replaced. It results in impaired memory, thinking and behaviour, and is the most common form of dementing illness.

WHAT ARE THE COMMON SYMPTOMS OF ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE?
- Confusion ... e.g. your wife always misplaces her keys. Last Tuesday she couldn't remember what the keys were for.
- Disorientation ... e.g. your grandfather likes to take daily strolls around the neighbourhood. But in the past month he's gotten lost four times and couldn't find his way home without help from a neighbour.
- Memory Loss ... e.g. your favourite uncle can't remember your name or names of your husband or children.

A list of common symptoms (some of them also may apply to other dementing illnesses) is shown below to help you know what warning signs to look out for. If you or your relative has several of these symptoms, consult a doctor for a complete examination.

The 10 warning signs of Alzheimer's disease are:
1) problem with recent memory
2) misplacing things
3) difficulty performing familiar tasks
4) problems with language
5) disorientation of place and time
6) poor or decreased judgement
7) problems with abstract thinking
8) changes in mood or behaviour
9) changes in personality
10) loss of initiative

If you have noticed that anyone around you seem to have shown any of the signs above more than often, please do not hesitate to suggest that they pay a visit to the doctor.

Why People Juz Can't Do Their Job Properly

2008-01-21T19:40:00.000+08:00

So angry ... I was without a bathtub for 2 weeks!!! ... Had to use my flatmate's toilet everyday, bringing along my towel, toiletries, etc. everytime...

It all started 2 weeks ago when the maintenance called my room asking for permission to inspect a severe leakage which was causing havoc to my fellow colleagues living directly one and two levels below ... Fine ... I let them come have a look ...

First, they couldn't locate the source of the leakage ... Thus requesting to come back another day to do more intensive checking ... Second time they were here, they hack away a small hole on the side of my bathtub and still couldn't locate the leakage ... Third time when they came, they REMOVE my whole bathtub!!! ... They said juz need 2 more days and things would be alright ...

Guess what, the fourth visit was just to change the pipe and then suppose to have 1 last visit to put back my bathtub (the most important part of all, right?) ... Well, as usual ... Never trust the them to be efficient & responsible ... Twice, I have signed the authorisation form for them to enter my room while I'm away at work to try finish the job ... I had no choice but to leave the safety of my belongings in the hands of the workers as I have to take into consideration my fellow flatmates roster just so that the repairwork would not disturb anyone's rest ... Guess what? ... You are right! ... Thjey did not turn up at all!!! ... Didn't even leave a message for me that they can't make it ...

Today, I am furious!!! ... I had enough ... I have been patient for 2 weeks ... When someone complained about leakage, they get it fixed ... Took away my bathtub, fixed the problem and leave my toilet alone!!! ... I was so upset when I tried to negotiate the date for the repairwork to be done that I broke down in front of everyone!!! ... It just wasn't a good day ... I was having fever, blocked yet runny nose, itchy throat, etc ... I should be in bed rather than negotiating for a job that should have been completed 2 weeks ago!!! ...

After making much noise and I guess the tears did its job, they finally called the contracting company guys to come complete the hacking work so that they can put in the bathtub nicely tomorrow ...

Tomorrow ... Another problematic day ... My flatmate needs to rest for an extremely long and challenging day ... Nairobi turnaround!!! ... Her flight departs at 18oohr and she'll not be back till 0530hr the next morning ... That's excluding the pickup time which is 2h35min before flight's departure time and 1h30min before pickup time for preparation ... She won't get back home till 0730hr the next morning ... To sum it up, she has to be awake and alert for a total of 17.5hrs on the whole!!! ...

My last Nairobi flight clocked me 10h22mins ... That's excluding 1.5hrs transit on ground ... I was doing the galley and was absolutely zombified when I sat down on the jumpseat when getting back into Dubai ... My SFS (Snr Flt Steward/Stewardess) had a total of 8 strong coffees the whole trip!!! ... I really can't imagine if an emergency situation arise, how the crew will react to it ... In Sha la ...

Now all I can do is pray that tomorrow the workers will be good boys and not make too much noise so as not to interrupt my flatmate's rest ... Feel so bad for her that she had to put up with this ... I was left with no other choice 'cos if they don't do it this time round, I don't know if I'll ever be able to see my bathtub again ... Wish I can have a pink bathtub like the one in the picture, taken from Hamburg hotel ... Fingers crossed ...

Loss of Sleep = Bad Memory

2008-01-20T01:10:00.000+08:00

Read an article in a magazine that lack of sleep will cause memory lapse and declining concentration level. Apparently there was a study done on 2 groups of people. They were given something to memorize. One group is allowed to rest in between while the other had to stay awake. The group who had rest were able to recall the details confidently while the latter group had difficulty remembering the same details.

Does that mean cabin crew have higher chance of suffering from memory lapses due to the irregular sleeping patterns, which indirectly contribute to lack of sleep 'cos most crew have difficulty adjusting to the different time zone? No wonder cabin crew are paid higher than most other job of simmilar nature. It's probably to compensate for the health hazards that crew face: irregular sleeping patterns, irregular meals, drier skin due to dry cabin air, extreme weather conditions around the world, etc... No wonder we have difficulty remembering even the crew we have just flown with 2 days ago! Ha ha ha...

Well, every job has it's hazards as well as rewarding moments. Whenever I see customers get off the aircraft with a great smile on their faces or when they shook my hands thanking me for making their journey lovely, that makes all the above-mentioned experiences worthwhile. That's what kept me on this job till now...

What Is Happiness?

2007-12-01T05:44:00.000+08:00

What is the purpose of life? It is to become happy. Whatever country or society people live in, they all have the same deep desire: to become happy.

Yet, there are few ideals as difficult to grasp as that of happiness.

In our daily life we constantly experience happiness and unhappiness, but we are still quite ignorant as to what happiness really is.

A young friend of mine once spent a long time trying to work out what happiness was, particularly happiness for women. When she first thought about happiness she saw it as a matter of becoming financially secure or getting married. (The view in Japanese society then was that happiness for a woman was only to be found in marriage.) But looking at friends who were married, she realized that marriage didn't necessarily guarantee happiness.

She saw couples who had been passionately in love suffering from discord soon after their wedding. She saw women who had married men with money or status but who fought constantly with their husbands.

Gradually, she realized that the secret of happiness lay in building a strong inner self that no trial or hardship could ruin. She saw that happiness for anyone — man or woman — does not come simply from having a formal education, from wealth or from marriage. It begins with having the strength to confront and conquer one's own weaknesses. Only then does it become possible to lead a truly happy life and enjoy a successful marriage.

She finally told me, "Now I can say with confidence that happiness doesn't exist in the past or in the future. It only exists within our state of life right now, here in the present, as we face the challenges of daily life."

I agree entirely. You yourself know best whether you are feeling joy or struggling with suffering. These things are not known to other people. Even a man who has great wealth, social recognition and many awards may still be shadowed by indescribable suffering deep in his heart. On the other hand, an elderly woman who is not fortunate financially, leading a simple life alone, may feel the sun of joy and happiness rising in her heart each day.

Happiness is not a life without problems, but rather the strength to overcome the problems that come our way. There is no such thing as a problem-free life; difficulties are unavoidable. But how we experience and react to our problems depends on us. Buddhism teaches that we are each responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness. Our vitality — the amount of energy or "life-force" we have — is in fact the single most important factor in determining whether or not we are happy.

True happiness is to be found within, in the state of our hearts. It does not exist on the far side of some distant mountains. It is within you, yourself. However much you try, you can never run away from yourself. And if you are weak, suffering will follow you wherever you go. You will never find happiness if you don't challenge your weaknesses and change yourself from within.

Happiness is to be found in the dynamism and energy of your own life as you struggle to overcome one obstacle after another. This is why I believe that a person who is active and free from fear is truly happy.

The challenges we face in life can be compared to a tall mountain, rising before a mountain climber. For someone who has not trained properly, whose muscles and reflexes are weak and slow, every inch of the climb will be filled with terror and pain. The exact same climb, however, will be a thrilling journey for someone who is prepared, whose legs and arms have been strengthened by constant training. With each step forward and up, beautiful new views will come into sight.

My teacher used to talk about two kinds of happiness — "relative" and "absolute" happiness. Relative happiness is happiness that depends on things outside ourselves: friends and family, surroundings, the size of our home or family income.

This is what we feel when a desire is fulfilled, or something we have longed for is obtained. While the happiness such things bring us is certainly real, the fact is that none of this lasts forever. Things change. People change. This kind of happiness shatters easily when external conditions alter.

Relative happiness is also based on comparison with others. We may feel this kind of happiness at having a newer or bigger home than the neighbors. But that feeling turns to misery the moment they start making new additions to theirs!

Absolute happiness, on the other hand, is something we must find within. It means establishing a state of life in which we are never defeated by trials and where just being alive is a source of great joy. This persists no matter what we might be lacking, or what might happen around us. A deep sense of joy is something which can only exist in the innermost reaches of our life, and which cannot be destroyed by any external forces. It is eternal and inexhaustible.

This kind of satisfaction is to be found in consistent and repeated effort, so that we can say, "Today, again, I did my very best. Today, again, I have no regrets. Today, again, I won." The accumulated result of such efforts is a life of great victory.

What we should compare is not ourselves against others. We should compare who we are today against who we were yesterday, who we are today against who we will be tomorrow. While this may seem simple and obvious, true happiness is found in a life of constant advancement. And the same worries that could have made us miserable can actually be a source of growth when we approach them with courage and wisdom.

One friend whose dramatic life proved this was Natalia Satz, who founded the first children's theater in Moscow. In the 1930s, she and her husband were marked by Soviet Union's secret police. Even though they were guilty of no crime, her husband was arrested and executed and she was sent to a prison camp in the frozen depths of Siberia.

After she recovered from the initial shock, she started looking at her situation, not with despair, but for opportunity. She realized that many of her fellow prisoners had special skills and talents. She began organizing a "university," encouraging the prisoners to share their knowledge. "You. You are a scientist. Teach us about science. You are an artist. Talk to us about art."

In this way, the boredom and terror of the prison camp were transformed into the joy of learning and teaching. Eventually, Mrs. Satz even made use of her own unique talents to organize a theater group. She survived the five-year prison sentence, and dedicated the rest of her long life to creating children's theater. When we met for the first time in Moscow in 1981, she was already in her 80s. She was as radiant and buoyant as a young girl. Her smile was the smile of someone who has triumphed over the hardships of life. Hers is the kind of spirit I had in mind when I wrote the following poem on "Happiness":

A person with a vast heart is happy.

Such a person lives each day with a broad and embracing spirit.

A person with a strong will is happy.

Such a person can confidently enjoy life, never defeated by suffering.

A person with a profound spirit is happy.

Such a person can savor life's depths while creating meaning and value that will last for eternity.

A person with a pure mind is happy.

Such a person is always surrounded by refreshing breezes of joy.

Love & Marriage

2007-12-01T04:33:00.000+08:00

True love should be transformative, a process that amplifies our capacity to cherish not just one person but all people. It can make us stronger, lift us higher and deepen us as individuals. Only to the extent that one polishes oneself now can one hope to develop wonderful bonds of the heart in the future.

Ideal love is fostered only between two sincere, mature and independent people. It is the inner struggle to polish these attributes that is the key. ... Real love is not two people clinging to each other; it can only be fostered between two strong people secure in their individuality.

The important thing is to overcome the sorrow that accompanies any type of separation, such as death or divorce. The vital thing is to continue advancing. Do not look back. Just forge on. There are many reasons why people bid farewell to one another. People have their own thoughts and situations. The deep scars within your heart may not heal quickly. Yet brace yourself so you can look forward. You should strive to move on, cutting through the clouds in your heart. As long as you advance, new hope will be born. The sun will rise. Only when you continue to advance can you encounter an even better, more wonderful you.

We can lose ourselves in romantic attachment, but the truth is, the euphoria is unlikely to last for long. Indeed, the likelihood of undergoing suffering and sadness only grows over time. As long as we remain unable to redress our own weaknesses, we will be miserable no matter where or to whom we may take flight. We can never become truly happy unless we ourselves undergo a personal transformation.

Daily life can seem all too drab and unexciting. Living itself can sometimes seem a strain, and few of us realistically expect what joy we feel to last forever. But when we fall in love, life seems filled with drama and excitement. We feel like the leading character in a novel. But, if you get lost in love just because you are bored, and consequently veer from the path you should be following, then love is nothing more than escapism. What you are doing is retreating into a dream world, believing that what is only an illusion is actually real.

If you are neglecting things you should be doing, forgetting your purpose in life because of the relationship you're in, then you're on the wrong path. A healthy relationship is one in which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals while sharing each other's hopes and dreams. A relationship should be a source of inspiration, invigoration and hope.

© Soka Gakkai International. All Rights Reserved.

Quote Of The Day (30 Nov 2007)

2007-12-01T03:21:00.000+08:00

One thing is certain: That is that the power of belief, the power of thought, will move reality in the direction of what we believe and conceive of it. If you really believe you can do something, you can. That is a fact.

Northern Lights Dream Crashed

2007-11-28T17:22:00.000+08:00

Northern Lights ... Most Asians have not seen such a sight ... Especially to those who have not been able to travel much ... Even for me, someone who was lucky to be paid to travel so extensively ... Yet I have always been looking forward to the day I am able to witness this magnificent sight created by Mother Nature ...

Two friends (husband & wife team) invited me to join them for a trip to Rovaniemi, Finland in Feb 08 in search for the Northern Lights ... So happy that there's finally kaki to go for such trip, I was so thick skin that I don't even mind becoming a huge lamp post ah ... Hee hee ...

Plans were underway since late Oct 07 for cheapest air tix, best connecting time, train connecting time, etc ... Everytime flight I went, I couldn't stop mentioning how excited I was about this trip ...

Well, in the end, 天不祝我也啊 ... Sigh ... I had not choice but to withdraw from the trip due to financial constraints ... Sob sob ... It's just too expensive to spend an estimate of about S$2k at least just for 3 full days in Finland ... Hey, may I highlight that this budget was based on my staff staff travel privileges ... Imagine how much my dear friends have to fork out as they are non-crew??? ... Sigh ...

So I guess there goes my dream trip ... But I'm looking forward to making it come true in year 2009 ... This time round, all of us will be well prepared in terms of travel expenses and winter attire ... Hee hee ... Guess how cold it gets over there during Feb? ... It's -40 degrees!!! ... Fingers crossed I won't become one of the snowman there to help beautify the town ah ... Wah ha ha ...

Quote : Daisaku Ikeda (1928 - present )

2007-09-19T18:01:00.000+08:00

Those who can get along with all kinds of people, seeing them as equals, as fellow human beings manifest the true excellence of their character. They are people of genuine culture and education.

Quote : Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)

2007-09-19T17:56:00.000+08:00

Someone asked me what I regarded as the three most important requirements for happiness. My amswer was: A feeling that you have been honest with yourself and those around you; a feeling that you have done the best you could both in your personal life and in your work; and the ability to love others.

Memories ...

2007-09-19T06:06:00.001+08:00

Dubai & Me ...

2007-09-19T02:29:00.000+08:00

It was all a sign ... If not for my rash decision to breakup with Chay, I would not be here today ... After our breakup, I received an invitation for an interview ... One after another, I passed each interview stage ... Before I knew it, my bags were packed to head for a foreign land ... It all happened within 3 months ...

I didn't actually do much homework to find out about this new place I was to call my second home ... It was during SARS ... I had enough of the office politics at my previous workplace ... I'm a simple person ... Just wanna do a good job and get paid for doing it ...

It was a crucial decision at that time ... I almost remained at home as dad was suspected to be infected with SARS when he was down with high fever during that period (luckily the result was negative) ... At the same time, the family also sensed that his health was slowly failing ... However, after a discussion with the rest of the family members, it was agreed that it's best for me to leave and fetch a higher salary in preparation for future medical needs by our parents as old age sets in ...

Then, in April 2003, I came to Dubai ... Wow ... The airport was so modern ... Everything around seemed so different from what I have heard about the region ... Then I told myself:"Everything will be alright." ... As I can't disappoint my family for giving me the support to start a new job overseas, I strived hard during training ... Learned about different cultures and working styles ...

4.5 years later, I'm glad I have made that decision to leave home ... Being away from home, I have no one to rely upon for advice on what to do and where to go ... However, I was lucky to have survived through my first year without much hiccups ... Problems were solved slowly but surely ... Tried hard to stay healthy as I was frequently sick during the 1st year ... My social circle started to widen too ... Was attached within 3 months here but ended it with no regrets 2 years later ...

Was very down for 8 months after the breakup ... But it's part and parcel of life ... Time may have been wasted back then trying to recover but I have gained more in the end ... Supportive groups of friends both back home and here in Dubai, and enjoying my life and work to the fullest ... Thank you so much guys!!! ... Luv you all!!!

Since last year, I had gone for 2 lessons in snowboarding, made more new friends, made my 1st solo backpacking trip to Taiwan, visited the gym and played squash, discovered new makan outlets in Dubai, learned cooking, did a makeover, etc ... Most importantly, I have met my savings target this year!!! ... Yippee!!! ... It's not much but it certainly was an accomplishment, taking into consideration of my spending habits and family commitments ... Hee hee ...

Really hope that I can get my ideal HDB flat when I turn 35 ... The dream is not too far away ... (^-^) ... In the meantime, dad's health is getting worse ... Plans for hiring domestic helper is on the way ... Worried about mum's health too as it's not easy taking care of dad ... Hope dad will always be a happy man till the end ... C'est La Vie ...

It Takes Two Hands To Clap

2007-09-03T09:34:00.000+08:00

Was recently updated by a long-time friend that couple of our common friends' marriages have ended up in divorces ... Felt really sad things has to turn out this way ... Couple of them even have kids already ... Is there no more guarantee to marriages anymore? ...

I'm starting to get more and more paranoid about marriage ... My hope is to only marry once ... No divorce ... No matter what, it takes two hands to clap and it takes two heads to solve problems more effectively ...

My philosophy ... In a relationship, there must have 3 elements: communication, understanding & trust ... Without communication, we cannot understand each other ... Without understanding, we cannot bring ourselves to trust each other ... Without trust, we ceased communicating to each other ... And it's a vicious cycle all over again ...

So what's the secret to a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship? ... Any tips? ... I've had 4 relationships before ... 3 of them lasted 3 years each and the last one ended real badly in 2 years ... I have always been the one to initiate the breakup ... Why? ... I dunno ... Maybe I was afraid ... Afraid that I'll be hurt big time if ever the relationship lasted long enough, having bared my heart and soul to the one I have learnt to love deeply ...

Maybe someone will soothe my fears soon ... Maybe not ... The clock's ticking ... But I don't care ... I'm not in a hurry ... I'd love to be pampered and to pamper agian ... But it still seems so scary ... That one day it'll all be over and everything's back to square one ... Think the best is to enjoy the last moments of my singledom before the someone opens my heart again ...

Ugly Duckling

2007-08-29T02:46:00.000+08:00

Had a mini-makeover done this Feb ... Peeling nose, sunburnt shoulders, visible bikini lines, etc ... The after-effect from 3 full days of lazing by the hotel pool in Batam certainly do not make up the X-factor required in front of the camera ... However, my photos at http://brandon.zenfolio.com/ turn out to be the 2nd most viewed among the 32 albums that Brandon, the up&coming freelance photographer, has uploaded ...

It is outta this world that I have ever thought of getting a makeover ... The beautiful photos at friends weddings always make me go ooooohhhhhh ... After the viewing, I'd always wonder how will my wedding pictures turn out to be like and eeeekkkkkk!!! ... It usually ended up with a stronger conviction that I'd never have my wedding pictures taken ... As confident as I can be sometimes, I would never dreamed of posing in front of the camera ... The result??? ... I was beyond recognition to my own eyes ...

Recently, I was flattered when a Lebanese male colleague (a very hardwoking & simple person) commented that I would look good at photo shoot ... I was lost for words ah ... Can an ugly duckling can really turn into a swan? ... It's like a fairy tale come true ...

I'm glad to have given it a try ... That's my memories of my youth ... Soon, mother nature will be taking over ... At least I have some lovely pictures to show my grandchildren, if any ... Hee hee ...

Any comments are welcome at http://brandonchang.multiply.com/ ... Brandon, when's my next photo shoot? ... Hee hee ...

Fated to be FOS

2007-08-10T08:08:00.000+08:00

Wah ha ha ... It's all fated ... Wondering what am I talking about? ... I mean my blog's nick ... I was trying to think of what name I should have for this blog address ... Couple of them came to my uncreative mind: Cho Bo Amy, Bo Chap Amy, Lang Lui Amy, Siao Lang Amy, etc ... I was in a crazy but moody mood then ... Finally, I've decided upon the very name that Michelle Wong (my ex-manager from OMD) has always used on me: Amy FOC ... FOC, in short for Full Of Crap ... Short and Sweet eh? ...

Well, I always thought I was a quiet gal in my younger days thus I was always puzzled why she always said I'm FOC ... I did crack some jokes on & off back then ... Still scratching my head how I earned that title ah ...

Alright, wanna know how it ended up to be AmyFOS instead? ... I was trying to get the chosen name AmyFOC registered ... Sad enough, it was rejected ... They gave me alternatives, of cos ... And guess what? ... You are right! ... How coindental it could get ... They suggested I have the name AmyFOS!!! ... That immediately bring to mind of my other title (yes, given by Michelle as well): FOS, in short for Full Of Sai ... Wah ha ha ...

Well, over the years, I have somehow built up a reputation in this area ... I still can't believe I can be one ah ... Ha ha ha ... Further to that, I just had a really bad case of food poisoning in July which lasted for about 10 days ... That incident certainly have strengthened my reputation of being Full Of Sai ah ... Hee hee ... So I guessed I'm permanently stuck with this name ah ...

In the meantime, I ask for you to sit back, relax and enjoy my future blogs ah ... Hee hee ...