Everytime I listened to mum's grumbles (sometimes with tears), I felt even more helpless towards my family's situation ... Dad's diagnosis with Alzheimer's Disease has changed certain things in life ...
Since then, Mum's cooking has changed to accommodate dad's health condition ... Bland dishes, less salt & sugar, herbal soups, fresh juices, raw veg, etc ... There's at least 10 different pills & vitamins on the dining table ... She's always listening to the radio, trying to remember the new recipes for certain health conditions ... Even when she has to go for religious activities or marketing, she'll never forget to give dad a call to make sure he takes his medication on time ...
Many a times, he walked into the house with his pants wet as he couldn't control his bladder ... Poor mum thus has extra stuff to clean up in the midst of her daily chores ... Dad's like the Ratatouille mouse in the house ... His sense of taste is still very good ... However, he would empty the fridge or cabinet if his favourite food is within sight in record time ... Mum and I even joked about getting a fridge lock from Ikea to prevent him from accessing to his favourite fruit which would aggravate his habitual cough, orange ... Hee hee ...
Dad's favourite past-time is peeling any dry skin off his newly healed scratches/scars ... As he has diabetes, mum has always try to warn him of the risks of getting infection from an open would ... Instead of being grateful, mum got scolded for telling him off ...
Whenever mum tries to ask him not to do certain things or correct his actions, she'll get a dressing down from dad ... That sudden burst of anger, I believe, was accummulated from years of nagging ... I remember hearing Dad saying this "我为甚么一定要听她的, 我以前甚么都顺她, 现在不要了" ... Sometimes I really wonder if dad's really suffering from Alzheimer's Disease or he is just pretending to lose his ability to remember things so that he can stop answering to anyone's requests and just laze around ...
Don't know why but since Dad's diagnosis, Mum has seemed to treat me like her new best friend (of course the nagging still stays) ... In my presence, she'll 一哭, 二闹, 三上吊 ... But my sis said that Mum never behaved that way towards her ... Whenever I'm back on leave, I'd wanna go back to DXB on the 2nd night ... It's not the about the hardship of taking care of dad (it's no hard work at all, just watch where he goes and what he eats can already) ... It's about Mum's irrational behaviour ... It's very draining emotionally ...
Understanding what Mum's going through at home, I try to lend her a listening ear whenever I'm back, relieve her from looking after dad so that she can go relax herself while I stay with dad ... It's not an easy job to care for someone with such condition ... It's very draining emotionally ... That's even worse than plain physical efforts ...
It doesn't feel good being scolded for having one's good interests at heart ... But as I have always tried to explain to Mum that Dad's outbursts towards her were accummulation of years of unhappiness and nagging ... The more she tries to get him to do anything, the more resistance she'll face ... Instead of getting angry at that very instant of outburst, try pretending not to hear anything (like what dad's most "kiang" in doing these days) or walk away to cool off a little ... The worst thing that she loves to do is to complain to me about Dad in his presence!!! ... He may be senile but he definitely remembers every single word she said to me ... Then, since his pride and ego has been hurt big time, it'll be harder to get him to respond to future requests ...
Have tried so many times to explain to Mum that sometimes her words and behaviour will affect Dad's reaction towards her ... But it just can't get though to her ... It's never to easy to change overnight or understand something so "chim" ... Like the chinese saying "学坏只须三天, 学好须要三年" ... Letting negative feelings out is much easier than understanding the root of the problem ... Sigh ...
But on the bright side, our family have become closer ... It even got my aunt's family closer to us as well ... They organised occasional Genting trips, makan trips, MJ sessions, etc ... Sis and I managed to come up with a medical financing plan for parents ... Really hope Dad's condition won't change for the worse so soon as it'll be an even heavier burden on Mum's shoulders ...
Feel so helpless ... Really hope there's more I can help with other than making more trips back home ... Please tell me what else can I do to ease everyone's load ...
I'm just glad that Dad hasn't lose his sense of humour ... Hee hee ...
